Friday, April 28, 2023

Dear Diary...

It hurts to not be in the studio or to be somewhere that makes my artistic dreams seem possible. This is hard. I love being a mom so much and am already having fun introducing her to music and dance. We had a Broadway themed morning today. I miss performing though. I need to get back to it. I know I'm physically just about ready, but mentally I've been ready for a year. I need it. I need the part of myself back that has been pushed to the side. I started PT to get stronger and even just the 45 minute workout from that makes me feel better and like I'm ready for a comeback. My occasional virtual dance classes remind me of who I am as well. They don't happen as often as I would like, but it's hard to even shower right now. We don't have family help here. We don't have any help. I need movement like I need air. I went through a lot of scary shit in a short amount of time and the only ways I know how to get through things like that are to be around the people who get me and to dance it out. I can't really do either much at the moment. If you've spent your entire life working toward something or have fallen in love with the art form, you'll know why this is such a struggle for me. I know what my job is right now, but I have never not had something to work toward or train for. This is hard. 

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