Monday, February 1, 2021

On Pointe

I am sitting here crying while watching On Pointe on Disney+. These young SAB dancers are so filled with joy for their artform and the possibility of a career in dance. I opened up a notebook to write a little bit and found a schedule in there that I made for all of the auditions I had one week in NYC. It feels like a different lifetime that I was living in classes and waking up early for auditions. I miss my parents coming to shows or making a vacay out of my summer intensives. I miss our industry. I miss when all we were concerned with was making it to the end without being cut. Now we can't even get in the door. I would do it all over again in a second. Even the disappointing parts like waiting for hours to be cut right away. At least our industry existed then. I wish I could go back even if only for a day. I would go to auditions and take my favorite class with all of my friends followed by some Juice Generation. 

I know I'm more "settled" now. Even before the pandemic, I made a decision to be less of a gypsy, but dance is still one of the most important things in my life. I didn't "used to be" a dancer. I AM a dancer. I don't feel like myself when I don't get to dance. If I never get to feel the way I feel when I perform again, I can only hope that someday I have a kid who loves to dance or something else they are passionate about so much that it changes their life in the best way and makes them feel most alive. It is my not so secret dream to have a theatre or ballet baby. The arts are beyond important. Dance and the lessons I have learned while pursuing it have given me so much. I would be lost without it. I know things change, life happens, pandemics happen, dreams evolve, etc. I just can't imagine not having the memories or friendships that I made while chasing my dreams. I will carry them in my heart forever and ever. This show brings it all back. 

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