Sunday, February 5, 2023

Beveling Baby

Baby E has arrived! We are completely in love with our Princess Peach. I spent 9 months trying to eat well, taking prenatal yoga twice per week, and walking as much as possible. Toward the end, I drank RRL tea, ate dates, curb walked, bounced on a yoga ball, worked on breathing techniques, etc. I had intended to try for an unmedicated birth. I made a birth "preferences" list. One of my doctors told me that they have a less than 10 percent C section rate. I was optimistic about things even when she didn't arrive by her due date. When we reached week 41, I started to get nervous and an induction was scheduled for 2 days later. My birth preferences were quickly becoming out of reach. I wasn't dilating. I think that maybe my pelvis is too narrow and her tiny little head didn't help move things along. My hospital bag had been packed for weeks with tons of things that we wouldn't end up using.

We checked into the hospital on January 17th at 11pm and had a room by 1230am. I was given a drug that dissolved in my mouth in hopes of helping me be able to use Pitocin next (something I really hadn't wanted). They told me the process could take days. By the next morning, I was only 1.5cm and having contractions that were so bad that they would have made sense had I been ready to push. Baby's heart rate was starting to drop with each one. My doctor didn't want to alarm me and allowed me to try the drug one more time after waiting a bit. When Peachy's heart rate wasn't really improving, they said that a c section was unfortunately the best option. At that point, I was in so much pain and just wanted to meet her. Since it wasn't an emergency situation, I had time to brush my teeth, pack, and prepare for surgery. I was very grateful to have the most kind and helpful nurses throughout the entire experience. I felt really prepared and comfortable with everything that was about to happen even though it wasn't my "plan." They told me I would at least be able to have my playlist going. 

The shots I had to get in my spine were the worst...until I lost feeling in my feet. OMG. I freaked out and was cracking everyone up talking about it. I was obsessed. Seriously...strangest feeling in the world. Not a fan. While I was totally numb to the pain, I felt pretty much everything. Max arrived after they had already begun and kept my focus away from the weird pressure. When it was time to pull baby out, Max put on Tiny Dancer and they lowered the curtain. Peachy emerged like Simba in the Lion King. Such a crazy moment! She looked just like Max. She had tons of brown hair and deep ocean blue eyes. (I think her hair looks more auburn now and her eyes may be turning green like mine). He was able to trim the cord and be with her while they did a few things prior to placing her on my chest. He was crying. I was crying. The nurses were almost crying watching him cry. We were soon taken to a recovery area prior to heading to the mom and baby unit. 

They had also put this thing behind my ear for nausea that I was instructed not to touch as it could cause side effects like confusion. I touched it of course. Oops. I was soon saying some crazy s***. Max even called a nurse, because he was worried. I was talking about Gucci and Chanel. I was texting people at 3am thinking it was 3pm. The sad thing about this is that I really don't remember the first time I fed baby girl or getting to our room or even pressing the sweet lullaby sound that alerts the floor that another baby was born :(

The next few days were spent learning to feed her, eating good hospital food (yes, it actually was), and healing. I actually wish we could have stayed longer since the nurses were so amazing. The lactation team helped me figure out BF and the best positioning due to my incision. When the day finally came to take her home, Max grabbed the car seat, loaded her into it, and we did a slow walk to the car. The past 9.5 months felt like a lifetime then, but feel like a short little blur now. I already forget what the pelvic pain and acid reflux were like as they disappeared the day she was born. There are definitely some traumatic things from the past year that I need to work through though. I'm not going to say I'll do this again. She is my perfect angel and I would be so content with just her, but you really do forget all of the pain that comes before. 

With regard to my dance career...I have wanted to be a Rockette my entire life, but she is all that matters now. Anything for Peachy. I definitely plan to perform again though. It is just going to take longer than expected. I cannot wait to perform in Florida again. I was offered a show recently and it felt so nice to even be considered. I know I'm not done and will practice my singing and dancing with babe. Last time I was in NYC, I had asked a dance friend how her experience was getting back to it after her daughter. She said she had taken class almost until she was born and was back in the studio 6 weeks after. That had made me so optimistic...why wouldn't that happen for me too? My doctor told me it will likely be about a year before I can get back to what I'm used to doing, but she assured me I will. That is still such a scary thought. I am going to take it as a sign that I'm meant to slow down, enjoy Peachy, and hopefully return with renewed motivation to do what I love.