One Year.

I have been doing more to get in shape lately, especially with a wedding later in the year. I have fallen in love with barre classes again, but I can't help but miss the feeling of a hard day of dancing. I miss the post audition smoothies or banana pudding. I miss the feeling of being literally on top of the world after making it to the end of a Rockette audition. The feeling that your dreams are within reach. I haven’t felt that in so long. I can’t wait to audition again. I don’t care how old we are or the lost time or the changes in our lives. If we love it, we have to find a way back after this. If there is an after. My AGMA card arrived in the mail today. There is nowhere to use it. 

I danced for 3 hours today. I wore a leotard, black tights, and La Ducas and felt like me again. On International Women’s Day, surrounded by strong women on Zoom, in class, at home, and in the world, I felt good again. Even if only for a day. Even if it doesn’t mean I’m performing yet for an audience or a paycheck. I was home. I am most me when I’m in my element, with people who get me and love what I love. It’s not a “normal” job or life and that is what I like about it. A dance friend pointed out during class that we have been dancing apart for almost a year. A YEAR. A year of our dance lives lost. 

I miss feeling like I truly belong somewhere. Dance is my safe place. I hope that I can create a life filled with dance and art here and also travel a little to pursue my dreams soon. I think we’ve all pivoted a bit. It's important to stick together and uplift each other. I miss my encouraging, like minded friends. I will get to see many of them later in the year. Something to look forward to. 

I want that high from dancing in a packed, iconic NY studio and then stepping outside with friends into a city of endless possibilities. Life never felt "normal" in New York. And that was part of its charm. I am finding that St. Pete has an arts and culture scene more so than other parts of Florida. I can't wait to become involved in the community. I just haven't found my place yet and it's hard to do so with a global pandemic in a world full of messed up values. 

On Pointe

I am sitting here crying while watching On Pointe on Disney+. These young SAB dancers are so filled with joy for their artform and the possibility of a career in dance. I opened up a notebook to write a little bit and found a schedule in there that I made for all of the auditions I had one week in NYC. It feels like a different lifetime that I was living in classes and waking up early for auditions. I miss my parents coming to shows or making a vacay out of my summer intensives. I miss our industry. I miss when all we were concerned with was making it to the end without being cut. Now we can't even get in the door. I would do it all over again in a second. Even the disappointing parts like waiting for hours to be cut right away. At least our industry existed then. I wish I could go back even if only for a day. I would go to auditions and take my favorite class with all of my friends followed by some Juice Generation. 

I know I'm more "settled" now. Even before the pandemic, I made a decision to be less of a gypsy, but dance is still one of the most important things in my life. I didn't "used to be" a dancer. I AM a dancer. I don't feel like myself when I don't get to dance. If I never get to feel the way I feel when I perform again, I can only hope that someday I have a kid who loves to dance or something else they are passionate about so much that it changes their life in the best way and makes them feel most alive. It is my not so secret dream to have a theatre or ballet baby. The arts are beyond important. Dance and the lessons I have learned while pursuing it have given me so much. I would be lost without it. I know things change, life happens, pandemics happen, dreams evolve, etc. I just can't imagine not having the memories or friendships that I made while chasing my dreams. I will carry them in my heart forever and ever. This show brings it all back. 

Hello Sunshine City.

Top: Shoreline Sugars

One of my favorite ways to explore a new place is by seeking out its art. I especially love murals. They always have so much character and give great inspo for ways to move and dance. We used to dance in front of them all over WPB back in our cruise ship days. These are behind Central Ave. I saw a bride and groom taking pics back there (although it's unfortunately surrounded by dumpsters) and knew it was worth a visit. I just love the sunshine mural since we are living in the Sunshine City in the Sunshine State! I am so thankful for my Instagram Fiancé. He always agrees to take pics. I just wish he would be in them! 

We moved.

Surprise...We moved! Maybe it's not a surprise. It has been a long time coming. It was so much fun to visit Max as much as I could during his first year of law school. I was a hotel concierge then and had the best time researching cool local spots to check out.  Now that we are engaged, we decided it was time to live together : ) It has been a process. Combining 2 lifetimes worth of things and attempting compromise is not easy, especially for this only child. Let's just say, I have A LOT of stuff. We still have to hang art and mirrors, which my parents will come help with soon, but I've put some pics below. If you're wondering about the shrooms...My grandma had a mushroom cookie jar (shown below) which was given to me when she passed away. I found the entire set at a vintage store and it just started to get out of control from there. I have a Christmas tree filled with mushroom ornaments too. Everyone has their thing, right? 

The living room was a little awkward to figure out since Max has a huge desk, but we did our best. I have always loved city life and not having to drive everywhere. Now to find a job and friends in the middle of a global pandemic to keep myself busy while he is at school. I'm looking forward to establishing a routine and having so much fun with Maximilian. If you have any fun suggestions for things to do in the Tampa Bay area, let us know!

 

Full Circle

I wrote my college admission essay about the movie Center Stage. My favorite dance scene was the one at jazz class where they danced to “Higher Ground,” choreographed by the legendary Susan Stroman. I must have watched Center Stage at least monthly my senior year of high school. We even did a Pointe piece that year to “Canned Heat,” complete with red, glittery pointe shoes. Around this time, my mom took me to Lincoln Center to see Julie Kent and Ethan Stiefel in Gisele. I was so inspired to work my butt off to succeed as a performer. 

Fast forward to 2015...This was the year that I auditioned for Lyric Opera of Chicago and Susan Stroman selected me to perform her choreography in The Merry Widow. I will never forget the day I found out and one of my greatest dreams was realized. In 2017, I had the opportunity to work with her again on The Merry Widow at The Metropolitan Opera. This week, I get to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the film by taking class from Stro and learning some of the choreo. I am so excited!

I am forever grateful for Center Stage, which inspired me to reach for the stars even when they felt too far away. I am also very appreciative of those who have given me training, knowledge, or opportunities to shine. I have found my place and friends amongst the dance community just like the stars of the movie did. I get to say that my childhood dreams came true. Never never never give up and please support the arts! This isn’t just a hobby or career to us. It’s life. Can't wait to dance the shit out of it! #strogirl 

With the amazing Susan Stroman at The Merry Widow
Opening Night Party- Lyric Opera of Chicago