Let's Try This Again.

Hi! I'm back...I bet you're just as surprised as I am. A year ago, I would have told you that by now I would be settled in Florida. I would probably be teaching or doing something with my communications degree. What a difference a year makes. This past winter I started to feel like there was an expiration date on my career even though I finally felt at the top of my game. I just wasn't myself and knew that I wasn't living up to my greatest potential. This past February, I flew to NYC for a week to audition and got callbacks for everything. It was a sign that I still had it in me. By March 15th, I was on a plane to the life I had always imagined. It was sad leaving behind that beachy Florida lifestyle and the great friends that I made, but I felt free the second I landed at La Guardia. I am doing this crazy dance life full out this time. No excuses. 

I'm going on month 2 here in the city and have landed some really fun jobs doing theatre promo and event modeling. I was also given an incredible opportunity to train to become an instructor at one of the top barre studios in the world. I truly believe in the technique and cannot wait to be on the schedule as a teacher later in the summer. And after taking a few years off from auditioning for Rockettes to focus on building my resume, I returned to the audition. They said we will know around July if we will be high kicking this Christmas. I have never felt stronger and honestly think a lot of that has to do with supplementing my dance training with barre and fitness classes. 

Not so funny story... I was in the last group of three so after we danced they immediately started calling numbers of who they wanted to stay for the next round. I was still in my zone from having just performed and definitely missed them calling my number so I sadly left the room, took my number off and started to pack my things to leave. A few of my friends were sure they heard my number and insisted I ask someone at Radio City to double check. I am so glad that I did, because they definitely did call my number! Such a scary moment, but funny in retrospect. I asked the Radio City employee who asked for me if I could hug her lol She made my day. Fingers crossed I can finally make my biggest dream a reality this year. 

A Letter For The Dreamer.

Dear Dreamer, 


You have spent your whole life wanting to get out; to perform; to live. Sometimes you're going to want to be a "normal" person and every time you try it will feel so so wrong. You will quit that good job with the salary and the benefits and the nice people, and all you will feel is relief as you book your ticket to Europe and accept your next dance job knowing it doesn't pay well. You'll feel your highest highs and lowest lows doing this. You come alive on the stage and die a bit on the inside with each audition rejection. 

You will miss holidays, birthdays, weddings, and other important events and pray that your friends and family will still want to keep up the relationship when you return. 

You will doubt yourself and your body and your hair color and wonder if all of the hours of pain and sweat and tears were enough. You dance in your LaDuca’s until your feet bleed. They will keep you until the end of the audition multiple times. You will get measured for costumes and select which city you would like to perform in. Then you will wait weeks, months even for a call that may never come. And it doesn’t. And then you need another plan, because you can’t just sit around for a year until the next one. 

You’ll meet guys who think you’re the coolest and who are so impressed by what you do. Then when it comes down to it, they won’t put in the effort to keep you because you are too much work and never around. Then you’ll meet your dream guy and feel so comfortable in knowing that you are free to do what you love and he will stand by you. He will come to your opening nights and encourage you. And you’ll deal with the uncertainty of his profession as well since you are both adventurous gypsies chasing after nearly impossible dreams.

You will work short term, sporadic jobs to make ends meet, knowing you are fully capable of a full time, salaried career with health insurance, and let’s be honest…how many performing jobs give you health insurance? 

You will be so grateful for your parents who let you crash with them when you are home from a contract and don’t want to commit to apartment and car payments when you may very well be leaving again soon. You will wonder if anyone will even hire you in the real world someday or take you seriously because you switch from job to job. They won’t understand why contracts are so short or why you have lived all over the world. Hopefully you have an extremely supportive family and know that not everyone is not so lucky. Even so, you will feel hurt when they let you know what their friend's kids are doing with their lives and that their friends think what you do is a "hobby." It is possible to make it work though. You'll see friends wait tables, bar tend, and work retail. You can support yourself while simultaneously chasing that dream. It just takes hard work. 

You will meet the best friends of your life. When you move out of NY they will miss you, but everyone is so busy doing what you’re doing that it will be hard to keep in touch. However, the second you are reunited it will be as if nothing has changed. You will take an amazing class, catch up over those $8 juices and those cupcakes you love so much, and the pain of rejection from that audition you just went to won’t be quite as bad because you are all in this together. 

You will see friends booking their dream jobs knowing you are just as capable and wondering why it hasn’t happened for you yet. You will deal every day with learning to accept yourself and your abilities and your body. There is never a time you stop moving or thinking about what is next and what more you could possibly do to ensure you get another chance to shine in the bright lights of a beautiful theatre. 

You will realize other goals you have for your life like family and a solid friend group and a home. You will have this internal struggle and ticking clock to deal with and wonder if you’ll ever get married or be content. Restlessness is a big issue. You will want so badly to have a place to call home, your own home, with the love of your life. You will work toward settling down a bit and then another contract comes a calling and you have decisions to make. And more often than not, you choose to heed the call and get back out on the road with no guarantees that the only stable things in your life will be there when you get back. 

And you know what? You will never have to regret that you gave your all in pursuit of your dream. You will be a great role model for your future kids and anyone trying to accomplish something larger than themselves. You will never regret seeing the world. You will never have to wonder what else is out there. You will know. You will have unbelievable stories to tell, advice to give, and pictures to show. If you have a hunger inside of you or something that makes you light up just talking about it, that is your calling. You are doing yourself a great disservice in silencing that internal dialogue. Now go wait in line 2 hours early to sign in for that audition! Break legs xo 

That's A Wrap.

Last Sunday was our final performance of The Merry Widow at Lyric Opera of Chicago. This contract was even better than I dreamed it would be. I loved my job, the people, and the dancing. I really tried to take it all in and really watch the final show from backstage. My dad was able to see me dance for something other than arena football and I think he really enjoyed it. I feel bad that he paid so much money for a balcony ticket since I ended up being able to get him a free ticket in the second row. Oh well! We had a little after party at a bar with the cast and then my dad took me to fancy dinner at the Palmer House Hilton. This show is the highlight of my career and I'm so happy it happened and sad that it's over. 

A little pre-Kolo Act II warm up. 

Being Tourists.

Justin came to Chicago last week to see my show. Thankfully, I had several days off to explore and act like a tourist with him. I think the cold was a little shocking to him. The kid lives on a paddleboard in the sunshine so I got some pretty funny texts when he landed at O'Hare. Most of this visit revolved around food (we walked a ton!) and I was thrilled to be able to introduce him to my fav city treats. 

We started with Millennium Park, where an ice skating show was happening.

I'd pick him first ; )

After we took the obligatory Bean pics, I showed him where I work, and then we made our way to Giordano's. I can't really eat dairy so I ordered spaghetti and Justin ordered this yummy deep dish. 

He had never been to Magnolia Bakery (what?!) so I hooked him up with a cupcake and the best banana pudding in existence. 

A few days later, I made him try Sprinkles.

And Shake Shack...

I didn't get the chance to visit Eataly when I lived in NYC so it was fun to finally check it out here. We got some fancy little coffee layered with hot chocolate. 

The food there looks so good. I don't think I'll be trying the octopus any time soon though.  I really hope I have an opportunity to go back for lunch, especially since my roomie works there. 

One of my favorite things we did was have a few drinks on the 96th floor of the John Hancock Building in their Signature Lounge. We went early (around 4pm) and all of the window seats were already taken. Luckily, someone left and we moved for a better view. 

The apple pie martini is delish. What a romantic date! I loved being on top of the world with my love. 

Justin's cousin lives here so we were able to have dinner at a good taco place with he and his wife. On our last night together, we went to one of my old favorites, Grand Luxe Cafe. I know it's a total chain, but it is great and they give you enough food for like two days. 

I had the perfect opening night weekend and relaxing vacation with my love bug. 

The countdown begins again...

Opening Night.

Opening night of The Merry Widow at the Lyric Opera of Chicago was magical. We were given nice little gifts and goodies prior to the show and copies of our beautiful program. It is so fun to see my headshot and bio in there. I had been a bit stressed the week leading up to opening, but for some reason I was totally calm. Everything went well and felt like a dream. Our audience was so responsive and seemed to really enjoy it. Standing O! Reviews were pretty good, especially for the dancers. Click here for the one from the Chicago Tribune. I had the love of my life in the audience and I'm happy that he finally got a glimpse of my world. He was so cute getting ready before we left and took longer than me haha. He looked really nice. 

With the legendary Susan Stroman. I am so happy that she picked me for this show. Her choreography and vision are beautiful and she was a joy to work for. 

After the show, Lyric threw a nice party to celebrate.

My handsome date. 

Everyone in the cast is so talented. These two beauties both danced for Radio City. 

Ashley brought her mom to the party and we found out that our moms were sorority sisters at the same university. Small world. 

With our Danilo, Thomas Hampson. 

Click here for the promo video for our show. We have 8 performances left so get your tickets now!