Wednesday, September 30, 2020

Gypsy Soul

I want to hop on a plane and go to a million places. I want to try new things and adventure. I wish I could go back for just one cruise and wake up in a different place each day. I hope we all learn from this experience not to take a single thing for granted. If you can dance, dance. I know it’s hard to stay motivated right now but it truly beats the alternative. If you can move your body, do it! Plan for the future but live now. 

I have many feelings lately and one is feeling limited. I spent the last 6 months dancing and taking online classes, but now the thought of possibly not being able to perform again is finally hitting me. The theatre that has given me so many great opportunities is not able to have their regular season. I get down some days and wonder what the point of training right now is. Then I remember how dancing makes me feel. Training is a lot different at the moment. I mainly do YouTube workouts and class with my fav nyc teacher once a week. I do occasional jump kicks and ballet. 

I’ve always had one goal and that was to be a Rockette, but it seems so far away. I will continue to dance to stay strong for what I hope is a big comeback, but it’s just sad sometimes. I feel sad taking dance knowing the jobs aren’t there. I feel sad not dancing too. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. 

I watch old dance vids and wonder if it even really happened since it feels like lifetimes ago. After my first cruise contract I told myself I would appreciate every opportunity to move and perform since I realized just how in demand those jobs are. I look back on the contract where we woke up in the Bahamas or Palm Beach every day. All we had to worry about was which bikini to wear or where we would get coffee. We really lived life then and knew what we had was special. I’m pretty sure we would all give anything to go back even just for one more Bahamas Cruise. Four years ago, the ocean was life. We explored by day, swimming and drinking from coconuts. By night, we were back at sea, dancing and disco-ing. 

I hope that I get to feel what it's like to be onstage again. It is the biggest high. I want to experience that again and don't know how. Lately I find myself wanting to learn to surf, snowboard, or anything that I was unable to do so as to avoid hurting my chances at a performance career. I just need to do something that doesn't make me feel like the days all run together and life is going by. What a weird time. Wish I could book a ticket to Hawaii or another country. Someday...

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